My Recipies

Here are some of the recipies I have kept in my notes app, now transferred to one little fragment of the internet! These recipies are all tested and approved by me. Some of them come from other cooking websites, but unlike those cooking websites, you don't have to go through the pain of scrolling past someone's entire family history just to get to your recipie for red velvet cake. How convenient!

Baking

Zucchini Loaf

Chocolate Chip Cookies (really good)

  1. Brown the butter in a saucepan over high heat. Allow to melt then whist continuously until there is no longer any steam and you can see the colour of the butter go brown beenath the foam
  2. In a large bowl, combine the sugars. Then, pour in the butter and whisk. Allow to cool a little before adding the egg, then whisk until well-combined. Add vanilla.
  3. Add flour in increments, then add chocolate. Add more flour if needed.
  4. Scoop the dough into balls and place on a baking sheet. Place this baking sheet into the freezer for 30-60 minutes, or in the fridge overnight, or just leave in the freezer for whenever you want freshley baked cookies. I don't care. Do whatever you want they'll taste good regardless
  5. When you are ready to bake these bad boys, space them evenly (12 per average sized sheet should do. If you're sheet has a good personality, maybe only put 6 on), then bake in the oven at 375 degress fahrenheit (190C) for 10 minutes or until golden brown on the edges
  6. Allow them cool and then store in an airtight container so they don't turn into rocks! Or, alternatively, just eat them all in one day. They don't get any better with age

Poo Cakes (Brownies)

(Makes 2 8x9 pans)

*Once the butter is browned, pour it into a measuring cup and fill it up to 1 full cup with coffee. If you don't want your brownies to taste like a Coffee Crisp chocolate bar, just fill the rest with water

  1. Brown the butter and fill with as much coffee/water as needed to bring to a full cup again. Add your chocolate and mix that until you get a smooth mixture.
  2. Add the delicious mixture to a large bowl with your sugar and salt. Mix until well combined. This will give the mixture time to cool down, and once it has slightly, add the eggs.
  3. Add the vanilla. Whisk. Then add the flour
  4. Divide the mixture between two greased and lined 8x9 pans (or 1 9x13 pan) and bake at 375F (190C) for 45 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out with a few crumblies sticking to it. The toothpick should not be sopping wet. Just... use your best judgement, alright? Or say "fuck it" and call it a fondant au chocolat.

Single Serve Fondant Au Chocolat

  1. In a small mixing bowl, melt the butter and chocolate together until smooth.
  2. Add the egg and sugar, then mix.
  3. Add the salt and flour. Mix until well combined
  4. Bake in an oven-safe dish at 375F (190C) for about 10 minutes, or until the batter is set around the edges, but is still goopy in the middle. This is the one time you want it to be RAW
  5. Allow to cool for about 5 minutes before flipping onto a plate. Sprinkle on whatever toppings you'd like and enjoy!

Banana Bread

  1. Beat and butter and the sugar til it's done *clap clap* in a medium/large bowl please
  2. Add the egg and beat until smooth
  3. Mix the flour, salt, baking soda, baking powder, and cinnamon together in a medium/small bowl
  4. Alternate between adding the bananas and dry ingredients to the butter mixture.
  5. Once fully combines, pour into a greased bread dish.
  6. Bake at 325F (160C) for 60-70 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean.

For the following breads, I will not be providing instructions. Bread is like the one (1) thing you cannot mess up. It is literally just putting a bunch of ingredients into a bowl and letting it sit for a bit. If you fuck it up then damn kiss some women or something. I mean this is bread. We are lesbians. We've got this

Foccacia Bread

  1. Bloom the yeast. Make the dough. You know how it is
  2. Either proof in the fridge overnight or in a warm place for 1.5-2 hours
  3. Deflate and then pour the dough into a HEAVILY GREASED 9x13 pan and rise again for 30 minutes (2-4 hours if fresh out of the fridge)
  4. Drizzle some olive oil onto that bad boy, grease up your hands, and then GET IN THERE!
  5. Add as much rosemary and salt as you desire.
  6. Bake for 30 minutes at 425F (220C) or until the outside is browned

Just Bread

  1. you're a lesbian. this is bread. you know what to do babey
  2. bake in an oven at 350F (180C) for 30 minutes

Vanilla Cake (w/ Frosting)

  1. Mix the dry ingredients together in a medium bowl. Then, in a large bowl, cream the butter and the sugar until fluffy.
  2. Add the eggs one at a time, as well as the vanilla, and mix until thoroughly combined.
  3. Slowly add the dry ingredients, alternating with the milk. Mix until combined.
  4. Either divide between 2 cake pans, or pour into a muffin tin lined with wrappers to make cupcakes.
  5. Bake at 350F (180C) for abour 30 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean.

For the frosting:

  1. Beat the butter until smooth.
  2. Sift in the powdered sugar in 1/2 cup intervals.
  3. Add the vanilla and milk. Thin the frosting with more milk if desired. Also feel free to add food colouring!
  4. Allow the cakes to cool completely before frosting them

For a chocolate cake, add about 60g of cocoa powder to the cake recipe, and take out about 40g of AP flour, and 20g of corn starch. For chocolate frosting, just spoon in cocoa powder and adjust the amount of milk and sugar you add accordingly. Yes, this wholeheartedly gives you an excuse to eat frosting.